WARNING: Some graphic images are included. NSFW.
We all have our hobbies.
I like to blog, read tarot cards and binge-watch DVD dramas by HBO.
Kim Kardashian likes to periodically “break the internet” by leaking her own sex tapes, posting Instagram pictures of her backside and posing in full-frontal photo shoots by creepy Parisian photographers.
If by some remarkable stroke of fortune you forgot to pay your ADSL bill or otherwise failed to get sucked into the latest KK vortex of cyber-narcissism, here is the photo that has caused all the recent commotion:
A day or two after the chattering masses of the internet had exhausted their immediate store of memes, Kanye West jokes and indignation, Kim Kardashian released some of the out-takes from the photo shoot. One of them was this picture of Kim in all her full-frontal nude glory.
(I have included the censored version here because frankly, I don’t wish to inflict Kardashian minge on you all without prior warning)
I mean, we’ve seen her backside, her boobs and her vulva. We’ve seen her having sex. I have to admit, I’m curious to see how she can possibly top this.
What internet-breaking taboo can we expect to see next?
An anal probe examination of her rectum for an American Apparel spread?
A dildo-cam ultrasound of her cervix for a Tom Ford cologne campaign?
(Though I think that one has already been done…)
Anyhoo, the internet exploded in a predictable firestorm of criticism and commentary. There was discussion about the objectification of women, there was talk about the racist undertones of the photo shoot, there was debate about the digital alteration of women’s bodies, there was lament about this Warholian nightmare we have created where people are famous simply because they are famous; devoid of talent but adept at courting notoriety.
And there I was, nodding sagely along with all of it.
Until I saw this.
And I bristled. Oh how I bristled.
As predictable as the patronising sermon from Mr Brady at the end of every Brady Bunch episode, it wasn’t long before the “Mummy Morality Police” came charging into the fray; led by Glee actress Neya Rivera, who does not herself have children.
It’s very important that non-mothers police the behaviour of actual mothers because we are so clueless that we need to have it “mumsplained” to us by people who’ve never had the life-altering experience of birthing and raising a child, because one of the inarguable laws of the universe is that non-parents know everything there is to know about parenting.
This is the comment that Neya Rivera posted on Kim Kardashian’s picture on Instagram.
So #$%^ing what?
You’re someone’s mother and WHAT?
There are so many unspoken assumptions coded in that statement. So many value judgements. So much latent criticism.
GET THE MEMO, KIM. YOU’RE A MOTHER NOW.
You aren’t allowed to have your own life anymore.
You aren’t allowed to value your career.
You aren’t allowed to be a sexual being.
You aren’t allowed to make your own choices.
You aren’t allowed to have an identity that is separate to your child.
You aren’t allowed to be selfish anymore.
You have to be perfect and never make mistakes.
You have to be sensible all the time.
You have to be morally pure.
You have to tiptoe around other people’s sensitivities.
YOU HAVE TO THINK OF THE CHILDREN! ALL THE TIME!
You know what? To hell with all of that. To hell with all your mummy-moralising and this insistence that mothers are held to much higher standards than all other mere mortals.
There are a MILLION reasons why Kim Kardashian needs to stop flashing her sexual organs to the world. Being a mother isn’t one of them.