Long-time readers of this blog (poor bastards) will know that May is a VERY important month on the Hugzilla calendar.
Crack out the chicken schnitzel and champagne: it’s Meat Cake Month!!
TIME TO GET OUR BAKE ON.
The Hugzilla household celebrates two very important birthdays in May – my younger son and my husband both have birthdays within a week of each other.
It has become a family tradition to put my notoriously-dodgy baking skills to the test in order to create two unique novelty cakes:
1) An ambitious theme-cake for my son
2) An ambitious meat-cake for my husband
Meat-Cake Month: This Year’s Festivities
This year we are celebrating the 3rd annual Meat Cake Month, and the difficult selection process for both cakes has now been finalised. Today on Hugzilla I will reveal the inspiration for this year’s theme-cake.
> MEAT CAKE
As always, the meat cake is prepared under strictly top-secret conditions, and will only be revealed once finally complete. Previous years have established my meat-cake credentials as the leading pioneer in the genre; sole inventor of the Chicken Schnitzel Cake and the Rainbow Chicken Schnitzel Cake.
This year will be no exception: expect the unexpected.
Chicken is out. I’ll be working with totally different core ingredients this year.
> THEME CAKE
Each year for my son, I set a public challenge for myself. Last year I nailed it with a faithful reproduction of my friend’s Bird’s Nest Cake and the year before I nailed the Rainbow (Hornless) Unicorn Cake.
This year I have decided to finally face my fear of fondant, and will be attempting this Backpack Cake for my Dora-The-Explorer-obsessed three year old son.
Looks easy, right?
People who are familiar with my baking know that I can barely even get a cake out of the oven without it spontaneously combusting into a catastrophic pile of crumbs.
Think I’m joking?
Here’s the Red Velvet Cake I made a couple of weeks ago.
So, while that Backpack Cake might look like a breeze to most of you, rest assured that it will push me way beyond the limits of my astonishing ineptitude. I had to give myself at least a chance-in-Hell of succeeding with this. I mean, my kid has to eat this shit.
Preliminary Preparations: An Update
As usual, I have done zero preparation for this colossal undertaking, the first of which is due to be delivered in two days time. I am relying on the fact that Aldi have a sale on fondant tomorrow, so I can get my shit together for this project. If anything goes wrong with the Aldi supply-chain I’ll be in serious trouble, because I have NFI where to get fondant from otherwise.
I’m also operating on the unverified assumption that you can smoosh fondant together to make different colours, the same way you can with play-doh. If it doesn’t, I am going to have to engage the Official Emergency Back-Up Plan: Use a shitload of food colouring and pray for purple.
Meat Cake May: History and Context
I don’t usually pimp my own back-catalogue on Hugzilla because that would be insufferably naff, but anyone interested in the history of Meat Cake Month can check out these posts:
Anyone who enjoys a good kitchen disaster can also check out:
And, the obligatory disclaimer: Yes, I really am that bad. I know it’s difficult to comprehend. I’ve had 38 years to come to terms with it.