Making Peace With Your Inner Loser When Everyone Else Wants to Be a Winner

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(Thanks to my cynical friend Bexy McFly Figaro for creating this meme)

I’ve talked about my complete lack of success before, and this entire blog is basically a profanity-strewn ode to under-achieving. The pinnacle of my writing career to-date is that I was once featured in Australian Women’s Forum as a fanzine writer – right next to a full-page advertisement for over-sized dildos and sex toys. Me in a soft porn magazine with hairy-chested nude male centrefolds. My mother was so proud.

Fast forward to today, and I am now an uber-successful mummy blogger. As befitting an uber-successful mummy blogger who makes shitloads no money whatsoever from her blog, it was finally time for me to cast aside the pesky issue of amateurism to attend a professional blogging conference with 699 other like-minded creatives. So that’s what I did.

ProBlogger is a huge national conference that brings together hundreds of Australian digital creatives and entrepreneurs to talk about how we can make lots of money on the internet (errr I mean, to talk about “how we can change the world and create meaningful connections on the internet”).

It’s basically Anthony Robbins meets Oprah Winfrey meets that guy from Hillsong for people who write online and want to make lots of money change the world. We all stormed out of the first session en masse like the bristling hordes of bold warriors in Braveheart, pumping our fists in the air and bellowing “Green smoothies! Green FUCKING smoothies! LET’S SELL SHIT!”

Contextual note for non-attendees: the first keynote speaker has made shitloads of money changed the world by spruiking the benefits of simple green smoothies. That shit was fucking inspired. We’d all drunk the Green Smoothie Kool Aid and were determined to stride boldly into the world to start making our first million dollars. But not until after morning tea. Those mini-pavs were to-die for.

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(Quote from Jadah Sellner of Simple Green Smoothies)

I was surrounded by dreamers and entrepreneurs and high achievers and it all made me feel like a total loser. Their numbers were way better than mine and their reach was more pervasive and they were talking about creating opt-in offers and 30-day challenges and gangbuster e-products like it ain’t no thang.

Then there was me. The blogger who sniggered every time she heard the word “gangbuster” because it made her think of “gangbanging”. The blogger whose most-inspired idea for an e-book was something titled “30 Days To Becoming a More Sarcastic Smart-Arse”. The blogger who wore a custom-bedazzled bum bag to the after-hours networking event.

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I met some amazing people with grand ideas and great ambition during the two-day conference. I was not one of them. The conference opened by asking us to think about our “Why?”

Why do we do this?

Why do we spend so much time doing something that makes no money we feel innately driven to do?

After two long days of inspiration and insight, my answer is still the same as it ever was: because I want to write stupid shit that makes my friends laugh.

I loved every minute of the conference but it did nothing to shift my creative compass or inspire me to change course for more lofty goals. I don’t want to make money. I don’t want to change the world. I don’t want to inspire people. I don’t want to develop apps or create podcasts or do video blogging or worry about SEO or send newsletters.

And that’s OK.

These two exchanges pretty much sum up my ProBlogger experience:

Drunk Internet Friend #1: So, are you going to do anything differently now when you go home?

Me: Nup.

(swigs from champagne glass)


Very Drunk Internet Friend #2: But you’re so INTELLIGENT. You’re so INTELLIGENT!

(Ever notice how drunk people always say stuff twice?)

Me: Yeah, but I have no AMBITION. I have no fucking AMBITION!

(swigs from champagne glass)


ProBlogger 2015 was all about making peace with my inner loser. The one without massive hordes of internet followers. The one who came home with an empty notebook. The one who doesn’t have a lengthy “To-Do” list of epic ideas to brainstorm. The one who had a melodramatic freak-out at the networking drinks because she thought she saw her ex-boyfriend but it turned out to be some woman in a dress and high heels.

The loser who just wants to make her friends laugh.

The upside of all this is that she has even more friends now, which is why she’ll be back again next year.

ProBlogger 2015: I’m more of a dip-stick than a glow-stick, but you make me want to shine through all that shit anyway. Kudos.

155 thoughts on “Making Peace With Your Inner Loser When Everyone Else Wants to Be a Winner

  1. How did I not meet you??? Arrrgghh!! I needed to read this. I left there thinking I know jack about it all and have a list a mile long to complete. But I can do as much or as little of that as I like – so thank you 🙂 And for the record – I’d definitely sign up to the 30 day challenge 🙂

  2. Hehehehe champagne does make you say things twice. You are so completely and utterly not a loser!!!! Who cares about other peoples stats and what they’re doing… your blog is for you!!!

  3. You rock. That is all. Keep making us laugh and shining through the effluent of life my friend. Although now all I can think of is glow in the dark poo…

  4. Oh Hugzy (may I call you Hugzy?). You are me. I am you. Losers of all the world unite. Every time someone suggests I put a ‘badge’ on my blog, or mentions the word ‘coding’ I just say ‘uh?’ (Homer Simpson style) and think about monkeys riding bikes instead. My lack of ambition is startling. Thank you for making me realise I’m not alone in this.

    • You absolutely may call me Hugzy! You are not alone. And by saying that you are making me feel less alone too. I say no to 99.9% of the offers that come through on my email, and sometimes I wonder if I’m a bit crazy. Scrap that. I KNOW I am…

  5. This was REFRESHING, man! Seriously. It just was. And for all the reasons you haven’t come home from Problogger ready to change the world, you probably sort of are anyway. Excellent.

    Also, your ex-boyfriend sounds like a babe….

  6. Well, I think i’ve accepted that I’m never going to be a proper blogger, so there’s no point in me going there to actually learn. But I SO would have loved to catch up with all you gorgeous chicks!
    Maybe I’ll go next year, just to socialize.
    You just keep doing exactly as you are, Hugzy x

  7. Well you just know I love a good shit stir then run for cover!! This post was perfectly you!!!!! I actually commented on this fab post the day it was published but PB hangover had me damned if I could remember my gravitar password. Damn that! I will tell you my password (new one I will never forget) when we network/run a mock at the next PB or when one of makes our first million – whatever comes first 🙂

  8. How good was the food at Problogger! And if your “why” is writing funny shit that makes your friends laugh then I think you are doing a pretty good job at it!

  9. So I am not a mom, I will probably be a dad if I can get my shit together and marry my long-suffering girlfriend… some day.

    Your SEO as much as you’re not trying actually works. I googled “how to make peace with your inner under achiever” and when Google returned SERP entries the snippet on yours spoke to me and the article, it spoke for and of me.

    We don’t need to try any harder than we do and we don’t need the world telling us to live to the potential they see in us. I also get that, “but you’re so intelligent” thing often. it’s annoying.

    Thank you Hugzilla. I really needed validation that I am not wasting away talent and brains by being me and I got it from your blog post. Keep doing you, You rock!

    • Thank you! Thank you for getting it too. I particularly loved this sentence: “We don’t need to try any harder than we do and we don’t need the world telling us to live to the potential they see in us”. I spent a lot of years worrying about this when I was younger, and as I get older it gets so much easier to ignore the expectations of others. This is me. I’m 38 years old and I’m not changing any time soon. Thank you so much for this awesome comment – it’s only 8am here but you’ve already made my day.

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